Motivating Kids: Myths & Truths #3

14 04 2010

There is no doubt that we are living in a time where many of our young people have become overly dependent on the prompts, punishments, and promises of others in their lives. In an attempt to get this to change, parents, coaches and teachers have tried many things to “motivate” young people.

This is the third of a 5-part series on Motivation Myths:

Motivational Myth #1: Kids need to be motivated. (See 4/7/10 blog entry)

Motivational Myth #2: Rewards are what motivate kids. (See 4/8/10 blog entry)

Motivational Myth #3: Lectures motivate kids.

Today I want to talk about the Lecture Myth. It seems that those of us trying to create more energy, passion, or drive in our kids believe that our words are so profoundly inspiring that simply stating them with a bit of passion behind them is suddenly going to turn on the light bulb of drive for our kids. This is not only a myth, but it is utter ignorance. What has led us to believe that our lectures could possibly be that full of impact? Maybe we revert to this because it is the only tool we have available to us. If so, then it makes sense why we engage in this act of desperation. When we use a lecture, that in reality is one-way communication, we cut off the most important information source (that being the kid) because the communication is only one way.

In order to create any change it is going to begin with the cooperation, will, and enlightenment of the kid needing to make the change. We miss that when we believe we are the providers of the motivation because of our perceived words of wisdom. Our kids would have a revival of energy, drive, passion, and motivation if we would simply talk WITH them and not AT them. If the only tool for motivation you have is to lecture…it is time to add to the toolbox. You will be absolutely shocked what you learn if you approach problems of motivation with curiosity as opposed to certainty.

No more lectures…get out of judgment/certainty and into curiosity!

Keep an eye out for Motivation Myth #4!

Shaun


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Motivating Kids: Myths & Truths #2

8 04 2010

Shaun Goodsell, MA

We have an energy crisis in our society. This energy crisis is taking place with our teenagers.  The myths we have bought into concerning motivation discourage us from making a difference in turning this crisis around.

Motivational Myth #1: Kids need to be motivated. (see 4/7/10 blog entry)

Motivational Myth #2: Rewards are what motivate kids. The truth is many of the rewards we use to “bargain” with our kids are often responsible for training kids to be unmotivated.

When we offer money, privilege, and other external rewards in the hopes of bargaining with kids for them to care and exert energy towards a task, we actually train them to anticipate a reward of greater significance each time they do the same task.  This dynamic mirrors that of a person dealing with addiction. An addict needs a more intense “high” with each experience and chases that “high” as the primary goal within each experience or they don’t chase it. When kids have been virtually bribed to care about things or exert energy towards something we are systematically training kids to expect a greater and greater reward and thus a more intense “high”. The consequences of this are thousands of kids have become addicted to rewards instead of developing the intrinsic motivation that is vital to long-term sustained motivation that is independent of external rewards. The skills that an individual needs to pursue the vital aspects of their life are what many kids are lacking. The more we take the short cut and bribe kids with cars, money, trophies, etc., the more we set kids up to fail later in life.

After the Myths have been identified I will create a 5 part training series on Unleashing The Power of Personal Motivation.

Keep an eye out for Motivational Myth #3!

Best to you today!

Shaun


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Motivating Kids: Myths & Truths

7 04 2010

Shaun Goodsell, MA

One challenge that many parents, coaches, and teachers can all relate to is how to motivate kids. Over the last couple of years it appears that more and more kids seem to lack passion, energy, interest, and concern about their lives. It is not uncommon for parents to continually fight with their kids over doing homework, coaches consistently look for tricks on how to put a fire into their athletes lacking engagement, and teachers struggle to acquire and maintain the interest of kids.

This problem continues because we lack understanding about what is sucking the natural energy out of our kids.  I propose there are 5 motivation-reducing behaviors supported by 5 myths of motivation. For our purposes I will take them one at a time.

Motivation Myth #1:  Kids need somebody to motivate them.

Although there are many reasons for us to believe that without us kids would do nothing. This is actually part of the reason why some kids show a lack of motivation. They have become dependent on us to provide direction, promptings, and interest before they engage themselves.  I think many kids believe that they are living to please us and have organized their lives as such. The problem is that they are not living THEIR life. They have exchanged their life for our acceptance and approval. The result of this is a lack of intrigue with what they could do and become motivated by their own self-directed energy. They may not do what we think they should do or the way we think they should do it but the important point is that THEY are providing the energy and spark, which puts them in the driver seat. Overcoming our compulsion to be in charge of others’ lives may actually unleash a burst of energy that we never saw before. At any rate, helping kids take on the responsibility of directing their own life is one of the critical components of turning around the motivation crisis that many of our kids are experiencing.

Tune in tomorrow for Motivation Myth number 2!

See ya tomorrow!

Shaun


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What does pressure do to us?

18 02 2010

Shaun Goodsell

Many athletes struggle to understand why they often perform better in practice then in games.  For some the presence of pressure leads to enhanced performance and for others the exact opposite is true. To answer this question we have to unpack how pressure impacts certain players verses others. Realizing there is no one single right answer for everyone.  The reason why this is the case is that everyone has a different formula for what brings the best out of them based on how they are wired when they find themselves in pressure situations. Let me illustrate:

Joe is a laid back person that takes most things in stride with a very easygoing personality. He is never really to excited and never really down. If you didn’t know him well you might assume that he doesn’t really care about much and is often accused of being a bit lazy. Practice is something that creates an opportunity to be with his friends and blow off some steam before going home for a night of Facebook and texting. For Joe the thought of a big game and any pressure associated with this game only serves to drive him into more perceived apathy and emotional disengagement because he is motivated and driven by comfort over achievement. As this unfolds a coach could become frustrated and overwhelmed, even a bit angry, as he tries to shape Joe into a more intense, engaged, and motivated player. Tactics could include applying more pressure telling Joe he will sit if he doesn’t bring more energy to the game and even yelling at him as he plays hoping to jar him out of his funk. All these do is entrench Joe more in his preferred social posture.  So, what are some explanations for what is going on and how to help Joe be his best?

First, it is likely that Joe is a strong analytical and is not prone to emotional expression. Next, the more external pressure he feels the more he will become introverted and over think everything he does because he values doing things right the first time and not having to repeat them.  In this case, pressure has the effect of activating the “over thinking” part of the brain and serves to paralyze him during competitive situations. The performance tip for Joe is to simplify the game, appeal to reason, stay calm, allow Joe the latitude to play without experiencing much external pressure, and to work with Joe to determine what he expects of himself and work to help him accomplish that.

Next we have Steve. Steve is a highly-strung athlete that approaches everything with great intensity and effort. He is a perfectionist with a very limited tolerance for mistakes not only in his performance, but with those around him as well. Practices are not only opportunities to improve but prove his superiority over those around him. His teammates both admire his intensity and are put off by it because of the inevitable critical statements that flow from him when he is under pressure. To his coaches Steve is the model that they hope to replicate and often name him a leader because of the work ethic and desire to win he brings to everything he does.  Privately, Steve is haunted with fears of failure, disappointing others, and is only noticed when he is successful. In big games Steve begins to feel like the fate of his team lies in his play and anxiety takes over and literally tightens him up from head to toes.  Fundamental skills become difficult and opportunities normally capitalized on with relative ease become very difficult. In this case, pressure serves to ignite more and more self-criticism bringing with it more and more intensity and pressure to succeed. Not only does he tighten up but his decision making process is negatively impacted by him second guessing himself and his intuitive instinctive play turns into tentative over thinking play.  Coaches trying to encourage him only feel powerless to interrupt this pattern.  Steve needs to learn how to calm himself and redefine how he deals with his desire for excellence.  In reality, Steve needs to learn how to lighten up. Pressure ignites a different series of internal events for Steve that is different then Joe. Understanding the unique ways that each player deals with pressure and what the impact of that is on performance is very important when trying to help players be their best.

These are some examples of how pressure can affect different personality types and impact the ability of that athlete to compete and excel under pressure.  As big games are on the horizon, understand that pressure has the capacity to eliminate the strengths of the best of players. No wonder we talk about the sport being 90% mental. There are many different personality blue prints that all respond to pressure differently. We have a unique tool called the TAIS profile that allows us to get a detailed blue print of how individual athletes are most apt to be impacted by pressure both externally and internally.  This blue print then guides our coaching so we can work personally to help players be their best when it counts the most.

For more information on this powerful performance tool you can visit the WM Show and Tell Video or TAIS Overview

If you would like to take the TAIS and work with us to build your personal blue print so that you can be your best when it counts the most, give us a call today 763-439-5246 and let’s get started!

Until next time, here’s to your possibilities!

Shaun
Shaun@MentalEdgeNow.com

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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Goalie, Hockey, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Motivation, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

Parents Out of Control

15 02 2010

Shaun Goodsell

People wonder all the time how an enraged parent could assault a league official because of a youth sporting event. The question I have is why it doesn’t happen more often?

There are certainly many parents that enjoy the participation of their kids without any outrageous behavior; however, there are many parents that walk the emotional boundary line of acceptability on a regular basis. Violent behavior doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It comes out of an emotionally enmeshed relationship where the parent tries to live through the accomplishments of the child and is devastated when there is perceived failure. Incest is when a parent or another adult gets their needs met from their kids. Youth sports are filled with unfulfilled adults that have surrendered their lives to their kids as they travel from one sporting event to another.

Kids were never meant to meet the emotional needs of adults. They are to be the recipients of the kind of mentoring and parenting that is the result of emotionally healthy adults that have grieved their own disappointments so they can allow their children to enjoy their activities without feeling as though they have to save their parents from a life of utter emptiness. The problem is that these types of parents are everywhere and are interfering with the lives of their kids on every level.

The event in the above link is a wake up call to the fact that we need to do something to save our kids from feeling like it is their jobs to save their parents and other emotionally empty adults from a life of despair. Youth sport associations need to provide mandatory parent education combined with high standards of character and sportsmanship. We do no favors to anyone by allowing parents and other adults to extract their well being and life’s joy from their children and other kids. This is backwards and needs to be addressed or more of these types of incidents will occur. Lets be courageous for the sake of all the kids that are silently screaming for us to lead the way and challenge adults to “get a life of their own”.


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4 Things Coaches do to Harm a Goaltenders’ Mental Game (without knowing it)!

7 02 2010

Justin Johnson

Justin Johnson
Performance Coach, Mental Edge

This past fall I traveled across the state of Minnesota conducting goalie coaching clinics for youth hockey associations. During the two-hour sessions I consulted with coaches about ways they can increase the likelihood of their goaltenders having a positive experience in the game of hockey. 

What I discovered is there are many coaches who are on the right track with their goalies and their development. 

There are also a few who have trouble communicating with their goalies. Even more struggle with how they orchestrate practices and games in a way that encourages goaltender development.

In an effort to shed some light on how coaches can set their goalies up for success, I have included four common pitfalls to avoid. My aim is to inform coaches about the ways they harm their goaltenders’ mental development, often times without even knowing it!

1.)  Not sure what to say, so say nothing
Issue:
Historically head coaches and their staff have struggled with how to coach, challenge and develop the goaltenders on their team. Many coaches haven’t played the position, so they feel paralyzed when trying to address technical information and fundamentals. This lack of goalie know-how, typically leads to frustrating conversations or even an avoidance of conversations because it doesn’t land in the coaches’ comfort zone.
Advice:
I encourage coaches to make an effort to positively impact every player on the team, including goaltenders. Rather than keep quiet, sit down with your goaltender(s) to learn about what they need to be successful. Many goaltenders, even as young as squirts know what should have been done differently on goals they give up. As a coach, ask them what you can do to make practices better to address the situations you are seeing in games. Goalies need to feel a part of the team and process – ignoring them because of your ignorance can shake their trust, confidence and ultimately negatively impact their experience.

2.)  Pulling the goalie without giving explanation
Issue:
Eventually a game will get out of hand or an off-night will come around where it is in either the team’s or the goaltender’s best interest to pull them from the game. I believe that the pulling of a goalie is a necessary part of the game and one that if done correctly builds character and a winning spirit in an individual. If done incorrectly you may have a disruptive issue that lasts all season, and negatively impacts the mindset of your goaltenders for quite some time. I have witnessed and yes been a participant to many ugly pullings, where coaches yell at the goalie on the way to the bench or display incredibly poor body language that sends the wrong message to all watching.
Advice:
When you decide to pull your goaltender doing so correctly comes down to two items. Conduct yourself in a calm and professional manner, including body language, by continuing to coach your team in a positive way. Secondly, you must not let that goaltender leave from the arena without knowing why you pulled them and or how you intend to help them have a better outing next time. As a side note I feel it is acceptable to tell the goalie on the bench why you pulled them if it was done so to help change team momentum. If it was simply a rough night for the goalie, it is better to discuss in private after the game.

3.)  Shouting instructions from the bench
Issue:
Rarely have I seen great coaching advice that makes an immediate impact on a goalies performance by being yelled from the bench for all to see and hear. Other than encouragement or to notify the goalie to come to the bench, coaches should never yell to a goaltender. The repercussions of yelling include embarrassment, confusion, frustration, and a fear of making mistakes all of which deter a quality mindset and performances. In other words whatever gem of advice you may have and result you get from it will be eroded by a mindset that requires the goaltender to play for you rather than themselves and their instinct.
Advice:
If a persistent issue is occurring there are a number of ways to communicate more effectively. You can wait until there is an intermission, relay the message to a mature player you feel will communicate to your goalie with the correct tone and message intended, or call a time-out.

4.)  Waiting right before the game to designate the starter
Issue:
Perhaps the most common mistake coaches make without knowing it is waiting to decide or inform which goalie will play. Coaches fail to understand that goaltending is a position that requires a significant amount of preparation. If a goalie does not know, that preparation is undermined, resulting in a less than prepared, less confident goaltender. Coaches have stated they use this tactic to judge who looks best in warm-ups or to make sure both goalies are ready. Both of these tactics are mentally counterproductive and will create negative effects not only for your goaltenders but also the rest of the team.
Advice:
I suggest coaches give notice to BOTH goaltenders as to who will be playing a night in advance if possible or the morning of the game at the latest. This should be plenty of time for your goaltenders to prepare, giving your team the best chance of a quality performance. This is a simple request and one that will be greatly appreciated by your goaltenders.

Remember if you are good to your goalies they will likely be good to you and your team!

For more information, contact Justin@MentalEdgeNow.com


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Categories : Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Goalie, Hockey, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Motivation, Parent, Sports Psychology

Motivation Muscle: Personalized Feedback

18 12 2009

Shaun Goodsell

Athletes are given “Motivational” speeches constantly. They are told they need to get pumped up, ready to play, focused, and mentally prepared. When coaches and athletes are interviewed clichés are spewed out in rapid-fire fashion. These constant clichés have become tired, and as a result, have lost their intrigue. Throughout my day I get asked constantly how to “Motivate” athletes and what it is that uncovers the deep well of energy that lies within people, athletes included? I believe one important component is PERSONALIZED FEEDBACK.

Personalized feedback contains information specifically designed for the individual athlete that descriptively, clearly, and concisely creates a picture for the athlete concerning what they can do to improve themselves. This message can contain a descriptive message of something they did that was positive as well.  Motivation is unleashed when it can be engaged in clearly defined actions that lead to results. When we communicate using tired clichés broadcasted to teams and groups with no personalization we leave people wondering and confused about what to do next. We are then shocked when our players play tentatively, without emotional intensity and engagement. Is it any wonder why athletes are disengaging and moving towards activities that allow them to be in control?  We are unintentionally conditioning them to be disinterested in what is said to them because of the irrelevance of our messages.

I have learned that athletes are hungering for quality feedback they in turn can take and utilize to create success. We simply need to stop communicating in lazy, tired, and impersonal ways. Here are the ingredients of a Personalized Message:

  1. Descriptive: the message clearly paints a picture for the athlete to grasp onto.
  2. Clear: the message needs to leave no room for confusion. The clearer a person is, the greater degree of energy they will release.
  3. Concise: the fewer the words the better. We lose the mental energy of our athletes when we repeat ourselves without adding quality content to our message.

Using this as an outline will help you re-engage those that have become disinterested in your messages and could help unleash a flow of energy that may have been lacking for months or possibly years.

I would love to hear your challenges and victories around your work with athletes!

Shaun


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How to Truly Believe in Somebody

10 12 2009

There are many athletes pursuing some kind of dream. This dream could be to go to college and play their sport, then move on to play professionally, and finally, to get paid to do something they love. For those of us that work with athletes on a regular basis, how do we communicate a credible, helpful belief in the people we work with without enabling a delusion that can be destructive for years to come?

There seems to be a prevalent idea that says: “To believe in somebody you have to go along with THEIR ideas regardless if there is any reliable, tangible, ongoing information to base that belief on.” Who of us would place our trust in someone that has shown zero evidence of tangible information in the area of hope? Have we become so disconnected from quality impact on those we love that we have resorted to blind trust? Why do we engage in this? We do it because we are afraid of crushing the spirits of those we love. In essence, we believe a dream that is delusional is better than growing a new dream that is founded on evidence associated with the possibility of accomplishment. The real tragedy here is that people are lacking the truthful, loving information that leads to deep trust and closeness that helps us truly experience life-changing relationships.  It is these current relationships [that are the only hope for people] that may allow delusional thinking to take them down a road of destruction.

Why does athletically gifted people that live their personal lives to the point of destruction shock us? It shouldn’t. The degree of truth these people hear from those closest to them about how they live their lives and the important topics of family, marriage, and purpose, has to be small.

I hope we learn a lesson from these fallen giants by talking to our kids about their lives and what goes on inside them rather then focusing all of our attention on their performance at the expense of everything that is vital to their significance and overall well being. Is it possible that we have traded deeply loving relationships that often include conflict, confrontation, fight, and accountability for a dream that maybe is too good to be true? Believing in another person involves loving them enough to tell them what they need to hear, realizing we have not trained people very well for this type of conversation. Believing in somebody involves challenging them to build their lives on hard work, perseverance, and personal strengths grounded in a deep purpose that can only be revealed through the wise coaching and counsel of others that have dared to go down this path.

Lets go down this path together.

Shaun


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What is a True Athlete?

5 11 2009
Brady Greco

Brady Greco

Is it just me or is there anyone else out there who is sick and tired of the New York Yankees winning championships.  I am an avid baseball fan, but when it comes to watching the New York Yankees in the World Series, I opt out.  Why would anyone cheer them on?

First off, it is not fair to see every good free agent who comes on the market snatched up by the Yankees due to their enormous pocket book.  Baseball claims to have a salary cap, yet it seems as if the Yankees don’t.  The reason for this is because if an MLB team goes over cap, then they are required to pay a significant fine.  The Yankees however, have so much money backing them that they could care less if they get fined because they will just pay it off.  This goes to show me that there is really no salary cap in Baseball, so why even have one in the first place?  This proves to me that baseball only has a salary cap for 29 teams, and the Yankees are in a class of their own because they don’t even abide by the rule.

Secondly, it kills me to watch a team who consists of players whom already admitted to steroid use, or have been suggested to the use of steroids, be glamorized as heroes.  They are not heroes; in fact they are idiots who have no perception of what a true athlete is.  Any meathead can inject themselves with a needle to become stronger and faster, but it is a true athlete who works hard on and off the field who a winner in the end.

I can’t stand the site of AROD, I can’t stand the site of George Steinbrenner, and I definitely can’t stand another New York Yankee World Series Victory!


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What if…

2 10 2009
Brady Greco

Brady Greco

What if, you were a good high school quarterback, but your coach, who was your dad, never let you throw the ball?

What if, as a quarterback, a single college recruited you,  and that college coach wanted you to play a different position other than quarterback?

What if, you were the seventh string quarterback on your college football team and day after day had to watch the six quarterbacks ahead of you go through every drill?

What if,  you took a turn too tight on the highway and rolled your car three times?

What if, you needed emergency surgery to remove thirty inches of your intestine just to live?

What if, you miraculously survived that fatal car crash?

What if, one month after the car accident and surgery, you courageously lead your college team to an upset victory over one of college football’s national powerhouses?

What if,  you were unsure if you would be selected in the NFL draft, and once you had been, watched the person on TV pronounce your name wrong?

What if, your first National Football League coach didn’t approve of drafting you and from day one said, “There needs to be two train wrecks and four quarterbacks go down, and you’re it.”?

What if, your first ever NFL pass was intercepted and ran back for a touchdown?

What if,  you were diagnosed with the same hip condition that ended Bo Jackson’s career?

What if, you needed to seek help from professionals because you were addicted to pain- killers?  And again, a short time later for alcohol?

What if, after receiving word that your father had suddenly passed away, you turned around the next day and played the best game of your career?

What if, after grieving over the death of your father, you get news that your brother-in-law died in an ATV accident?

What if, soon after your brother-in-law’s death, your wife is diagnosed with breast cancer?

What if, one day you wake up to find your house completely destroyed by Hurricane Katrina?

One man weathered all these storms – and kept playing. Brett Favre played through all of this and continues to play with the strength and soul that helped him survive these challenges. He doesn’t play for the money. He doesn’t play for attention.  He plays for one reason – he loves the game.

He plays because no matter what happens in his life, football has always been there for him and will continue to be there for him.  It is football that allows Brett Favre to escape from life’s biggest tragedies.  It is football that enables him to get lost in the moment.

Football has been the medicine that has enabled him to keep playing. To keep fighting. And, to keep living.

Watching Brett Favre every consecutive Sunday for the past 18 years has been my medicine.


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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

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