What does pressure do to us?

18 02 2010

Shaun Goodsell

Many athletes struggle to understand why they often perform better in practice then in games.  For some the presence of pressure leads to enhanced performance and for others the exact opposite is true. To answer this question we have to unpack how pressure impacts certain players verses others. Realizing there is no one single right answer for everyone.  The reason why this is the case is that everyone has a different formula for what brings the best out of them based on how they are wired when they find themselves in pressure situations. Let me illustrate:

Joe is a laid back person that takes most things in stride with a very easygoing personality. He is never really to excited and never really down. If you didn’t know him well you might assume that he doesn’t really care about much and is often accused of being a bit lazy. Practice is something that creates an opportunity to be with his friends and blow off some steam before going home for a night of Facebook and texting. For Joe the thought of a big game and any pressure associated with this game only serves to drive him into more perceived apathy and emotional disengagement because he is motivated and driven by comfort over achievement. As this unfolds a coach could become frustrated and overwhelmed, even a bit angry, as he tries to shape Joe into a more intense, engaged, and motivated player. Tactics could include applying more pressure telling Joe he will sit if he doesn’t bring more energy to the game and even yelling at him as he plays hoping to jar him out of his funk. All these do is entrench Joe more in his preferred social posture.  So, what are some explanations for what is going on and how to help Joe be his best?

First, it is likely that Joe is a strong analytical and is not prone to emotional expression. Next, the more external pressure he feels the more he will become introverted and over think everything he does because he values doing things right the first time and not having to repeat them.  In this case, pressure has the effect of activating the “over thinking” part of the brain and serves to paralyze him during competitive situations. The performance tip for Joe is to simplify the game, appeal to reason, stay calm, allow Joe the latitude to play without experiencing much external pressure, and to work with Joe to determine what he expects of himself and work to help him accomplish that.

Next we have Steve. Steve is a highly-strung athlete that approaches everything with great intensity and effort. He is a perfectionist with a very limited tolerance for mistakes not only in his performance, but with those around him as well. Practices are not only opportunities to improve but prove his superiority over those around him. His teammates both admire his intensity and are put off by it because of the inevitable critical statements that flow from him when he is under pressure. To his coaches Steve is the model that they hope to replicate and often name him a leader because of the work ethic and desire to win he brings to everything he does.  Privately, Steve is haunted with fears of failure, disappointing others, and is only noticed when he is successful. In big games Steve begins to feel like the fate of his team lies in his play and anxiety takes over and literally tightens him up from head to toes.  Fundamental skills become difficult and opportunities normally capitalized on with relative ease become very difficult. In this case, pressure serves to ignite more and more self-criticism bringing with it more and more intensity and pressure to succeed. Not only does he tighten up but his decision making process is negatively impacted by him second guessing himself and his intuitive instinctive play turns into tentative over thinking play.  Coaches trying to encourage him only feel powerless to interrupt this pattern.  Steve needs to learn how to calm himself and redefine how he deals with his desire for excellence.  In reality, Steve needs to learn how to lighten up. Pressure ignites a different series of internal events for Steve that is different then Joe. Understanding the unique ways that each player deals with pressure and what the impact of that is on performance is very important when trying to help players be their best.

These are some examples of how pressure can affect different personality types and impact the ability of that athlete to compete and excel under pressure.  As big games are on the horizon, understand that pressure has the capacity to eliminate the strengths of the best of players. No wonder we talk about the sport being 90% mental. There are many different personality blue prints that all respond to pressure differently. We have a unique tool called the TAIS profile that allows us to get a detailed blue print of how individual athletes are most apt to be impacted by pressure both externally and internally.  This blue print then guides our coaching so we can work personally to help players be their best when it counts the most.

For more information on this powerful performance tool you can visit the WM Show and Tell Video or TAIS Overview

If you would like to take the TAIS and work with us to build your personal blue print so that you can be your best when it counts the most, give us a call today 763-439-5246 and let’s get started!

Until next time, here’s to your possibilities!

Shaun
Shaun@MentalEdgeNow.com

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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Goalie, Hockey, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Motivation, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

4 Things Coaches do to Harm a Goaltenders’ Mental Game (without knowing it)!

7 02 2010

Justin Johnson

Justin Johnson
Performance Coach, Mental Edge

This past fall I traveled across the state of Minnesota conducting goalie coaching clinics for youth hockey associations. During the two-hour sessions I consulted with coaches about ways they can increase the likelihood of their goaltenders having a positive experience in the game of hockey. 

What I discovered is there are many coaches who are on the right track with their goalies and their development. 

There are also a few who have trouble communicating with their goalies. Even more struggle with how they orchestrate practices and games in a way that encourages goaltender development.

In an effort to shed some light on how coaches can set their goalies up for success, I have included four common pitfalls to avoid. My aim is to inform coaches about the ways they harm their goaltenders’ mental development, often times without even knowing it!

1.)  Not sure what to say, so say nothing
Issue:
Historically head coaches and their staff have struggled with how to coach, challenge and develop the goaltenders on their team. Many coaches haven’t played the position, so they feel paralyzed when trying to address technical information and fundamentals. This lack of goalie know-how, typically leads to frustrating conversations or even an avoidance of conversations because it doesn’t land in the coaches’ comfort zone.
Advice:
I encourage coaches to make an effort to positively impact every player on the team, including goaltenders. Rather than keep quiet, sit down with your goaltender(s) to learn about what they need to be successful. Many goaltenders, even as young as squirts know what should have been done differently on goals they give up. As a coach, ask them what you can do to make practices better to address the situations you are seeing in games. Goalies need to feel a part of the team and process – ignoring them because of your ignorance can shake their trust, confidence and ultimately negatively impact their experience.

2.)  Pulling the goalie without giving explanation
Issue:
Eventually a game will get out of hand or an off-night will come around where it is in either the team’s or the goaltender’s best interest to pull them from the game. I believe that the pulling of a goalie is a necessary part of the game and one that if done correctly builds character and a winning spirit in an individual. If done incorrectly you may have a disruptive issue that lasts all season, and negatively impacts the mindset of your goaltenders for quite some time. I have witnessed and yes been a participant to many ugly pullings, where coaches yell at the goalie on the way to the bench or display incredibly poor body language that sends the wrong message to all watching.
Advice:
When you decide to pull your goaltender doing so correctly comes down to two items. Conduct yourself in a calm and professional manner, including body language, by continuing to coach your team in a positive way. Secondly, you must not let that goaltender leave from the arena without knowing why you pulled them and or how you intend to help them have a better outing next time. As a side note I feel it is acceptable to tell the goalie on the bench why you pulled them if it was done so to help change team momentum. If it was simply a rough night for the goalie, it is better to discuss in private after the game.

3.)  Shouting instructions from the bench
Issue:
Rarely have I seen great coaching advice that makes an immediate impact on a goalies performance by being yelled from the bench for all to see and hear. Other than encouragement or to notify the goalie to come to the bench, coaches should never yell to a goaltender. The repercussions of yelling include embarrassment, confusion, frustration, and a fear of making mistakes all of which deter a quality mindset and performances. In other words whatever gem of advice you may have and result you get from it will be eroded by a mindset that requires the goaltender to play for you rather than themselves and their instinct.
Advice:
If a persistent issue is occurring there are a number of ways to communicate more effectively. You can wait until there is an intermission, relay the message to a mature player you feel will communicate to your goalie with the correct tone and message intended, or call a time-out.

4.)  Waiting right before the game to designate the starter
Issue:
Perhaps the most common mistake coaches make without knowing it is waiting to decide or inform which goalie will play. Coaches fail to understand that goaltending is a position that requires a significant amount of preparation. If a goalie does not know, that preparation is undermined, resulting in a less than prepared, less confident goaltender. Coaches have stated they use this tactic to judge who looks best in warm-ups or to make sure both goalies are ready. Both of these tactics are mentally counterproductive and will create negative effects not only for your goaltenders but also the rest of the team.
Advice:
I suggest coaches give notice to BOTH goaltenders as to who will be playing a night in advance if possible or the morning of the game at the latest. This should be plenty of time for your goaltenders to prepare, giving your team the best chance of a quality performance. This is a simple request and one that will be greatly appreciated by your goaltenders.

Remember if you are good to your goalies they will likely be good to you and your team!

For more information, contact Justin@MentalEdgeNow.com


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Categories : Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Goalie, Hockey, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Motivation, Parent, Sports Psychology

Love Your Workout

25 12 2009

These mini mental and muscle tweaks will take a load off your body, not your calorie burn, for bigger exercise bliss…Shaun Goodsell contributes to Fitness Magazine article by Holly St. Lifer

Love Your Workout FitnessMag


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Categories : Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, Sports Psychology

How to Truly Believe in Somebody

10 12 2009

There are many athletes pursuing some kind of dream. This dream could be to go to college and play their sport, then move on to play professionally, and finally, to get paid to do something they love. For those of us that work with athletes on a regular basis, how do we communicate a credible, helpful belief in the people we work with without enabling a delusion that can be destructive for years to come?

There seems to be a prevalent idea that says: “To believe in somebody you have to go along with THEIR ideas regardless if there is any reliable, tangible, ongoing information to base that belief on.” Who of us would place our trust in someone that has shown zero evidence of tangible information in the area of hope? Have we become so disconnected from quality impact on those we love that we have resorted to blind trust? Why do we engage in this? We do it because we are afraid of crushing the spirits of those we love. In essence, we believe a dream that is delusional is better than growing a new dream that is founded on evidence associated with the possibility of accomplishment. The real tragedy here is that people are lacking the truthful, loving information that leads to deep trust and closeness that helps us truly experience life-changing relationships.  It is these current relationships [that are the only hope for people] that may allow delusional thinking to take them down a road of destruction.

Why does athletically gifted people that live their personal lives to the point of destruction shock us? It shouldn’t. The degree of truth these people hear from those closest to them about how they live their lives and the important topics of family, marriage, and purpose, has to be small.

I hope we learn a lesson from these fallen giants by talking to our kids about their lives and what goes on inside them rather then focusing all of our attention on their performance at the expense of everything that is vital to their significance and overall well being. Is it possible that we have traded deeply loving relationships that often include conflict, confrontation, fight, and accountability for a dream that maybe is too good to be true? Believing in another person involves loving them enough to tell them what they need to hear, realizing we have not trained people very well for this type of conversation. Believing in somebody involves challenging them to build their lives on hard work, perseverance, and personal strengths grounded in a deep purpose that can only be revealed through the wise coaching and counsel of others that have dared to go down this path.

Lets go down this path together.

Shaun


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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

What if…

2 10 2009
Brady Greco

Brady Greco

What if, you were a good high school quarterback, but your coach, who was your dad, never let you throw the ball?

What if, as a quarterback, a single college recruited you,  and that college coach wanted you to play a different position other than quarterback?

What if, you were the seventh string quarterback on your college football team and day after day had to watch the six quarterbacks ahead of you go through every drill?

What if,  you took a turn too tight on the highway and rolled your car three times?

What if, you needed emergency surgery to remove thirty inches of your intestine just to live?

What if, you miraculously survived that fatal car crash?

What if, one month after the car accident and surgery, you courageously lead your college team to an upset victory over one of college football’s national powerhouses?

What if,  you were unsure if you would be selected in the NFL draft, and once you had been, watched the person on TV pronounce your name wrong?

What if, your first National Football League coach didn’t approve of drafting you and from day one said, “There needs to be two train wrecks and four quarterbacks go down, and you’re it.”?

What if, your first ever NFL pass was intercepted and ran back for a touchdown?

What if,  you were diagnosed with the same hip condition that ended Bo Jackson’s career?

What if, you needed to seek help from professionals because you were addicted to pain- killers?  And again, a short time later for alcohol?

What if, after receiving word that your father had suddenly passed away, you turned around the next day and played the best game of your career?

What if, after grieving over the death of your father, you get news that your brother-in-law died in an ATV accident?

What if, soon after your brother-in-law’s death, your wife is diagnosed with breast cancer?

What if, one day you wake up to find your house completely destroyed by Hurricane Katrina?

One man weathered all these storms – and kept playing. Brett Favre played through all of this and continues to play with the strength and soul that helped him survive these challenges. He doesn’t play for the money. He doesn’t play for attention.  He plays for one reason – he loves the game.

He plays because no matter what happens in his life, football has always been there for him and will continue to be there for him.  It is football that allows Brett Favre to escape from life’s biggest tragedies.  It is football that enables him to get lost in the moment.

Football has been the medicine that has enabled him to keep playing. To keep fighting. And, to keep living.

Watching Brett Favre every consecutive Sunday for the past 18 years has been my medicine.


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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

Mulit-Sport Athlete or Sport Specialization?

14 09 2009

Brady Greco, Performance Coach
Brady@MentalEdgeNow.com

For the past decade, sport specialization has become one of the worst trends to infect youth and high school athletes.  Recent statistics show a vast decline in the production of multi-sport athletes prior to reaching high school.  Not only does this hinder the overall athleticism and coordination of a child, but it also neglects the child of gaining valuable opportunities and life experiences.  There are many excuses why more and more young athletes fall victim to this epidemic, however after assessing all the pros and cons, you may find yourself wondering why this is even a problem to begin with.  The benefit of playing more than one sport will positively increase your physical and psychological long-term development as an athlete and individual.

Coaches and parents are two of the main scapegoats for the succession of sports specialization.  Many parents become so enmeshed in their child’s athletic performance; they become blinded for what is best for the long-term development of their child.  This can lead to parents pressuring their child to choose one sport in pursuit of future rewards.  Most often these plans back-fire and the child ends up quitting all sports due to the constant pressure, stress, and training that go along with concentrating on excelling in one sport.  Disturbing cases occur when children are forced to make decisions before they have the chance to fully develop and realize their potential in all sports.  Being that every sport has different skills and mindsets, the developmental stages significantly differ from sport to sport.  This means, that if an athlete peaks early in one sport and decides to quit their involvement in other sports, they are missing the opportunity to develop in a sport that could be more fitted for them in the long run.  Because many young athletes are geared to play one sport, they often get physically and mentally drained from being forced into a rigorous and monotonous routine at too early of an age.  In fear of disappointing their parents and coaches, these young athletes stick with the sport even when they begin to resent the sport, along with their parents.  In turn, athletes who play more than one sport receive a break both mentally and physically and have a better chance of attaining optimal potential.  More and more coaches have also been advocates for single sport athletes.  These coaches fear athletes will injure themselves while participating in other sports.  Statistics show, however, there are more injuries that occur when playing one sport due to the repeated stress on the same joints, muscles, and bones, resulting in higher risk of injury.

Every sport requires different disciplines, skills, and overall team dynamics.  When young athletes abandon the opportunity to play multiple sports it affects every domain of their growth and development.  Multi-sport athletes enhance motor skills, physical coordination, perceptual abilities, and valuable life lessons.  Youth sports help create relationships and strong bonds amongst teammates that go far beyond the athletic field or arena.  Parents and coaches should be encouraged to create as many options for their child to grow and prosper.  “Throwing all your eggs in one basket” at too early of an age often leads to a sense of failure, stress, and pressure.


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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Fitness, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

The Secret of Champions

10 09 2009
Shaun Goodsell, MA
President and CEO of Mental Edge

For years I have wondered what part innate talent plays in the success of athletes. Growing up aspiring to be a pro athlete I thought on many occasions,  “I wish I were talented enough to be as good as others”. In fact as I have progressed in business I have also believed that success is a by product of the genes you get and some are lucky while the rest of us are scrapping and clawing to rise to the success of others.  While attending the PGA Championship last month I started thinking about the pathway these athletes took to get to where they are. Could there be more to it then simply genes?

Recently, I came across a book that challenges the significance of innate talent in the success of athletes, musicians, and business leaders. Geoff Colvin has written a book titled “Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World Class Performers from Everybody Else”. Colvin makes a compelling case that THE ART OF DELIBERATE PRACTICE is what differentiates world-class performance from others.  He then goes on to describe this compelling concept:

“People who engage in intensive deliberate practice push themselves slightly beyond their current limitations physically and mentally”, writes Colvin. Doing this leads to greater perception, greater knowledge, and greater memory of what they know.  Practicing in this manner over a long period of time leads to the brain and body literally changing. When one learns to perceive more they are able to focus in on vital information that is significant when looking to creatively chart a course of success. For example, being aware of facial expressions in young athletes gives clues as to how they are receiving certain points of teaching. Often times a young athlete’s ability to be coached is closely connected to the closeness they feel to their coach. If a coach is not picking up on these subtle cues they miss information that is vital to their ability to influence a young life. In the same manner, learning to read important cues during a competitive situation gives athletes an advantage on their competition. It is this information that many athletes seem to miss.  Intensive deliberate practice not only improves an athlete’s level of perception but also increases their “working’ knowledge within their sport. It is as though an athlete’s knowledge base grows with each opportunity to play and practice in this manner. This dove tails with other performance coaches who encourage athletes to make sure they are always in the process of learning with each situation. Increasing their data base helps to inform them as to how to predict and approach different situations with greater mastery.  With this increased knowledge making decisions becomes easier and confidence in that process is increased. Lastly, intensive deliberate practice improves an athlete’s memory of what they have learned in past performances. When they intentionally go into situations with this mindset their memories of the working knowledge they have acquired increases and they draw on this to acquire an edge on their competition.

It turns out the mental aspect of performance is vitally important and learning to approach our performance opportunities with a deliberate intensive approach gives us the secret many champions use to create the Mental Edge!

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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Fitness, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

Whose Got Your Back? “Cultivating Lifelong Memories With Lifelong Friends”

22 07 2009
Shaun Goodsell

Shaun Goodsell

My involvement in hockey has provided me with some of the best memories of my life. Getting up for early morning practices, traveling to out-of-town tournaments, and persisting through the ups and downs associated with competition are the backdrops that still influence the man I am today. Doing this would have all changed if I was doing it by myself.  How are we challenging young athletes today to capitalize on this significant opportunity to build lifelong memories while growing lifelong friendships? The answer is we are not!

What is more obvious is that young athletes are living and playing more isolated than ever before. Many kids seem to play with a self- centered focus that keeps them from depending on anyone around them and even worse disconnects them from cultivating any long-term friendships with their teammates that surpass the “game” itself. In my mind this needs to change. Hockey should provide each player with the opportunity to not only grow as an athlete but as a person. Life beyond hockey requires that we build quality relationships with potential spouses, business associates, kids, and others we are going to need to help live a quality life. Why have we bought into the idea that the value of hockey lies in playing hockey? We approach the game as though winning and losing and making the “A” team is what makes and breaks kids. Parents rearrange their priorities, sometimes take second jobs, and focus significant mental and physical energy at the expense of growing and building their own lives and marriages all for the sake of “The Game”.

In my mind we have sold out to the wrong thing. Instead, hockey should be the catalyst for life-changing memories. These life-changing memories occur when kids are in an emotionally safe environment where they act generously and kindly to one another, open themselves up to each other, speak honestly to one another, and have each others back through an accountability that echoes “I will not let you fail” because your improvement, success and experience is important to me. This to me is worth the sacrifice many are making. This will leave an imprint on each kid as well a blue print that will serve these young people well the rest of their lives. To this end, The Mental Edge is launching “Whose Got Your Back”? Group Coaching experiences. These group coaching experiences will challenge kids to engage in life transforming interactions through generosity, openness, accountability, and honesty while doing this in a safe environment. This concept is currently being championed by best selling author Keith Ferrazzi around the world with incredible buy in.  Please join us as we seek to create life-transforming experiences through the incredible sport of hockey.

Shaun Goodsell


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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Fitness, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

Procrastination is Fitness’ Number One Enemy

2 07 2009

Brady Greco

Brady Greco

I’m getting sick of how foolish and lazy our society has become.  The television we watch, the Internet we browse, and the magazines we read are constantly proclaiming to have the most innovative tools, gadgets, or pills that will make exercise easy and the results come faster.  I have been an athlete for as long as I can remember, and have been a personal trainer since the age of 16.  With this being said, I’ll let you in on my little secret.  There is no such thing as easy exercise and quick results.  So, if you happen to be awaiting your new lounge rocker via Fed Ex, I would immediately stop reading this article, pick up your phone and cancel your order.  I say this not because it’s a waste of money or because it won’t work, but more along the lines of, you won’t use it.  Maybe the first couple days you will, but I guarantee you will find some excuse to stop exercising.  As for your brand new Fat Blaster 2000, it will ultimately collect dust alongside your previously ordered Tummy Torcher.

The fact of the matter is, if you have hit rock bottom concerning your exercise routine, or shall I say lack of, and are forking out a couple hundred bucks for a piece of equipment, you are LAZY.  I’m not saying this to be mean, but rather so you can see the truth.  If you think I’m crazy and think you can reach your fitness goals by using your Blow-up Bicep Machine, then I pose this question.  How can one piece of equipment change the way you want your body to look or how you feel?  The answer is simple, it can’t and won’t.

Here’s why.  There are approximately 650-800 different muscles in the human body.  In order to achieve quick results, you must hit each muscle at a different angle.  The way you accomplish this is by continuously changing the exercise you engage in.  By doing this, your muscles won’t adapt or plateau to any one exercise.  Therefore, it is impossible to receive the results you are looking for, for the fraction of time you want to spend working out with your new Ab Abolisher.  Instead of tossing your hard earned money out the window on a machine you will never use but a couple times, invest that money towards a new gym membership where there are oodles of machines and equipment to choose from.  If you find the gym equipment to be overwhelming at first, at least you have the option of taking a whirlpool and sauna, something your Glamorous Glute Gadget can’t offer.

When you finally take initiative to begin working out again, make sure you take baby steps.  Many people I have witnessed who are anxious and excited to start exercising again, blow everything they have in the first workout.  The next morning they are walking around like Frankenstein, constantly oohing and ahhing.  For this reason, they shut down once again and head back to the couch, where their only source of exercise comes from doing arm curls with the Nacho Cheese Dorito bag.  It’s amazing how far a little sweat and hard work will go.


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Categories : Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Fitness, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

It’s the child’s desire to play that matters

30 06 2009

Shaun GoodsellDon’t force your kids into sports. I never was.
To this day, my dad has never asked me to go play golf.
I ask him. It’s the child’s desire to play that matters,
not the parent’s desire to have the child play. Fun. Keep it fun.

~Tiger Woods

Over the last ten years I have immersed myself in the youth sports culture.  This has included investing hundreds and possibly thousands of hours interviewing athletes, coaches and the many adult volunteers that invest significant hours attempting to make youth sports an enjoyable and life changing experience. Without a doubt one of the resounding themes permeating these interactions has been the destructive involvement of some parents. Because of the sheer number of times I have been faced with this issue I feel it very important to write about this challenge in an attempt to shield many kids from this huge and complicated problem in youth sports.

I would like to start by defining the essence of the problem as I see it. It starts, in my mind, with parents that love their children deeply. As a parent myself, I know that I want my children to succeed. I want them to be treated fairly, never have a “bad” experience and be given many opportunities to develop their skills as well as utilize these skills in a game situation.

Because of our love for our children we can easily step into their experience desiring to “help” them have the best possible experience. However, stepping in usually means we have come to believe that our child is being treated in a way that is “hurting” them and we want to stop that. In most cases we simply disagree with something being done and there is no significant harm being done to the child and we have entangled ourselves now in a way that makes it real difficult to stay objective. I believe most often our kids need to learn to deal with less-than-perfect treatment that often makes up many youth sports experiences by learning to control their own experiences through mental toughness principles. Once we have determined the coach is not doing a good job and our kid is negatively impacted we have begun a parent verses coach relationship, which often is felt by the child.  Kids are going to want to stay aligned with the parent leaving the coach with a difficult, often-impossible job to coach that kid without impairment. Now the experience has been contaminated without much possibility of repair.

When we as parents get involved in an attempt to manipulate the experience of our children, we unintentionally teach them that they are helpless and often begin to alienate ourselves, as well as their coaches, from our children. Most kids report to me that they wish their parents would just stay out of it often experiencing embarrassment because of the behavior they see in their parents.

In summary, we exhibit destructive involvement when we step into our kid’s sports experience in an attempt to manipulate their experience because we believe they are being harmed in some way. In attempting to change the experience most of the time our kids our embarrassed leading to an inner tension that reduces the enjoyment of the sport.

Lastly, there may be times where parent involvement is needed in an attempt to right a severe wrong. In my experience this makes up only five percent of the cases. Many parents over catastrophize situations leading to actions that ends up negatively impacting not only their child’s experience but also the experience of many children.

If you are a parent that would like some tips on how to truly help your children here are some ideas. First, spend more energy helping your kids manage difficult situations as opposed to trying to fix them for them. This will not only help your kids in the present situation but is a great skill to learn for their future. Second, keep your disappointment with your kids coach to yourself. There is no value in sharing it with your kids it only results in inner tension that makes it difficult to talk about their experience. Last, be grateful for those that take the time to coach. They invest significant time and receive little training and most are doing the best they can and need your encouragement.

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Categories : Academics, Athlete, Coach, Confidence, Manage Adversity, Mental Toughness, Parent, School, Sports Psychology, Student

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