Struggle and Strength

21 11 2016

I think most of us would agree that increasing strength is a good thing. Athletes invest countless hours training for the purpose of increasing their strength.Theystrugglestrength do this because the rigors and challenges about to come REQUIRE ENHANCED STRENGTH to succeed. Without adequate strength they will be overwhelmed and out matched by the demands of the sport.

ATHLETES THAT TRAIN INADEQUATELY ARE ILL PREPARED FOR THE DEMANDS OF COMPETITION.

Physical strength is trained by utilizing resistance. I have never heard of an athlete that goes to the gym to train with AIR. Resistance is a CRITICAL element of strength building. However, if the resistance is not moved with correct form then INJURY can occur which has the exact opposite effect on the body. What initially was intended for BENEFIT has now become HURTFUL simply because of the use of IMPROPER FORM. The RESISTANCE is not the problem. The FORM is the variable that allows for injury.

Through the thousands of conversations and observations I have had with athletes and those around them, I have come to a DEEPLY HELD BELIEF AND OPINION:

The emotional, mental and social training our young people need to generate success will require a complete change in “FORM” with regard to STRUGGLE. It seems whenever the presence of struggle emerges we immediately seek to remove it, avoid it or numb it.

Struggle emerges when our life circumstances are not cooperating with our current psychological framework. Simply stated, this means that we are not getting what we want. This is similar to an athlete in the gym training and the trainer puts a certain amount of weight on the bar and the athlete wants to BARGAIN, COMPLAIN, NEGOTIATE, OR AVOID the work that is ahead. In life people face struggles almost everyday. Tests, homework, crazy drivers, parenting, relationships, conflict, money, etc… rarely does life put a manageable weight on the bar of our life.

It is by having GOOD FORM (Growth Mindset) while in the midst of these struggles that STRUGGLE becomes LEVERAGED or UTILIZED by us for increased strength, maturity, confidence, trust, competence to name a few. In my opinion it is VITAL THAT WE IMPROVE OUR FORM CONCERNING THE VALUE OF STRUGGLE IN THE LIVES OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. Rather than looking to change the WEIGHT (or eliminating it all together) we need to COACH young people to engage in proper form to LEVERAGE the struggle resulting in GREATER STRENGTH and MATURITY.

Learning the proper form is different than changing the weight. Take some time and think about how your life might be different if you were able to:

Learn how to UTILIZE and LEVERAGE your biggest challenges and turn them into your greatest assets!

Grow stronger and more confident by doing nothing more than re-inventing your PERSPECTIVE and APPRECIATION for the events, challenges and opportunities that are right in front of you.

Becoming EMPOWERED to EMBRACE challenges that have limited your expression of your best self.

Learning this skill and other mental strength skills are just some of the benefits of having a SKILLED and EXPERIENCED COACH in your life!

I’d love to hear YOUR current struggle and teach you how to leverage it into an asset.  Comment below and I’ll will personally answer you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Shaun





What is Your Aroma?

6 10 2016

aromapostI attended my first teen support group about 30 years ago. I remember that night like it was yesterday. My first encounter was with a 15 year old that asked, “What the ******** are you doing here?” To which I honestly had no good response. To be honest, as a recent college graduate I believed that I had answers to the problems that many teens were experiencing at the time. I was there to share wisdom and provide a pathway to better living for those that were lucky enough to listen to my counsel. (I now realize how misguided I was)

This is where MY education began!

For the next 6 months I listened to young people talk about family breakdown, drug abuse, suicide, school failure, rejection, depression, hopelessness, and deep discouragement to name just a few. I realized that my answers were weak and unwanted, not because they were without merit, but because my presence reeked of superiority and judgement. I certainly did not intend this, but in retrospect, I understand.

You see my first encounter was a test. The test was, are you here to PROVIDE an ANSWER or are you here to BECOME PART OF THE ANSWER? Becoming part of the answer meant LISTENING INTENSELY before offering a solution. It meant truly seeking to understand before being understood. It meant EARNING through commitment and consistency the influence to MATTER over the long haul . After thousands and thousands of hours engaging in deep, honest, courageous, and vulnerable conversations, now 30 years later, I realize that the aroma that I brought to that first meeting had a distinct smell.

That smell was the aroma of LET DOWN.

Why? Because, providing answers and solutions to complex challenges without immersing myself in learning the learner has the smell of superiority and smugness.

This is often the aroma we bring when we want to solve heart-felt hurt, fear and desperation with simple cliches.

The truth is this AROMA is ALL OVER THE PLACE.

My presence and mindset that first meeting would have lead to nothing but more hurt, disappointment and LET DOWN to those I was with. The memory of my first years and what I have learned is one of the greatest gifts I have received in my life professionally and personally.

Here are three distinct POWERFUL PRINCIPLES that I have learned that I believe can guide you to better relationships, team work, personal success, and fulfillment.

People are wired to want and thrive from knowing that they are not ALONE. The disappointments, fears, failures, hurts, and unrealized hopes are best endured and healed through the unconditional presence of a loving person that simply seeks to walk in these moments WITH PEOPLE. Providing answers pales in comparison to being fully present. It took a group of teenagers to teach me the power of this principle. Many feel isolated, alone, and inferior without the relational experience of knowing they are not alone.

Practical help is the by product of deep listening and empathy. When we truly seek to understand the dreams, disappointments, and struggles the practical solutions become more clear. We often under estimate the power of UNDERSTANDING where one is coming from. This requires patience, curiosity, courage, and consistency. When this happens people grow wings of freedom and belief. When we take the time to LEARN THE LEARNER we become a powerful force for COURAGEOUS EXPRESSION and FREEDOM.

The aroma of our heart surpasses the wisdom of our words. Simply stated, “People do not care how much we know until they know how much we care.” This is a mantra for living, working and competing. I learned that everyday I am being vetted according to this principle and so are you.

When we are willing to BECOME part of the solution for others and serve them in this capacity we become forces of positive influence.

I want to humbly challenge us to change the aroma of our hearts by courageously investing in those around us. Lets see ourselves, not so much our solutions and wisdom, as part of the formula that unleashes FULL and FREE expression of those around us. Think of the untapped potential that could be realized if everyone had this in their lives.

Thirty years ago a group of 15 year olds taught me what was required and needed to truly become a force for growth and optimal expression of self. My hope is this blog can do the same for you!





Mirrors of Greatness

13 09 2016

When people think of a mirror they think of a piece of glass that reflects the image that faces it. Mirrors can be useful because they reflect back Mirror Blogto us an image. Mirrors do not judge, have an opinion, talk back, or hate. Like most things when utilized for their intended purpose the value is high.

However, a mirror can be turned into a weapon of mass destruction because of the user. Many spend hours in front of a mirror shaming and hating on themselves because of the judgment and self-condemnation they generate from the image being reflected.

Let me offer a different way to think about a MIRROR.

Recently, I was mentoring a young soccer player. She just finished tryouts and I asked her to share a moment that stood out in her mind. She proceeded to vaguely tell me of a moment where she passed the ball to her teammate and that teammate scored. The initial description was lacking detail and it would have been easy to gloss over with a statement like “good job” or “that is cool.” After further discovery I learned that she had noticed the open player, put herself in a position to receive a pass by getting to an open space, executed a quality right-footed pass, and unselfishly shared the ball. My discovery revealed ELEMENTS OF GREATNESS that were NOT CLEAR in her first description. A more detailed description, uncovered through a more thorough exploration of what happened, made it possible to AMPLIFY and bring to her attention details within the event that put a spotlight on aspects of the play that could then be utilized in the future to reinforce her belief.

In essence, a deeper dive into what actually occurred provided an opportunity to mirror back to this young athlete ELEMENTS OF GREATNESS.

I believe we are all mirrors! The question is, WHAT ARE WE REFLECTING back to those in OUR LIVES? I believe those around us benefit when WE REFLECT truthful detailed images that empower learning and awareness. This is INFORMATION THAT CAN SPARK LEARNING and REINFORCE THE PROGRESSION towards enhancing performance and life.

Many athletes, coaches, parents, business owners, etc…… lack consistent images that help them deconstruct the elements of success. When success, as well as failure, are not clearly understood improvement and development are improbable. WE CAN MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE by committing to reflecting images that are descriptive and detailed to those that we want to influence.

The smile that emerged from this young athlete told the story of CONNECTING TO INFORMATION THAT GAVE CLARITY TO HER EXECUTED EXCELLENCE! We can all BE MIRRORS OF GREATNESS to others in our lives.

STEP 1, Explore, through the use of questions, details that describe the more detailed story within the moment.
STEP 2, Gain clarity by deconstructing a moment of success.
STEP 3, HIGHLIGHT vital skills, attributes, and execution points that contributed to success.
STEP 4, REPEAT OFTEN.

Reflecting with you,

Shaun

PS: After you do steps 1-4 comment below and let me know what happened!





Meeting the Confidence Challenge

17 08 2016

Who of us would not want a deep, bold and stable confidence?stencil.instagram-ad-original

Unfortunately, to many people the thought of possessing this type of confidence left long ago. It could be that a significant relationship with a coach, teacher, parent or friend sabotaged that dream. As a result we often tolerate, make excuses and position our lives to insure that we protect ourselves from a sense of failure or discouragement in order to never deal with our utter and complete lack of confidence.

For these reasons this is the day I invite you to engage in the CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE!

Simply stated I want to challenge you to PURSUE a more powerful and sustainable confidence.

For over 18 years I have been coaching thousands of athletes and without question when I ask, “What is the one thing you want to work on?” the response 90 percent of the time is “More CONFIDENCE!”

WHY ARE SO MANY OF US LACKING CONFIDENCE?

ANSWER

Because so many of us are TRADING COMFORT for CONFIDENCE.

It seems that comfort has become the desired lifestyle pursuit for many.

However, this trade is coming at a GREAT PRICE. The price is our CONFIDENCE IN OUR CAPACITY TO CREATIVELY and RESOURCEFULLY lean into challenges, obstacles, adversity, and uncertainty and learn of our untapped CAPACITY. If we are to establish and strengthen a DEEP ABIDING BELIEF in ourselves we MUST NOT ONLY MEET THESE CHALLENGES BUT EMBRACE THEM. There are not enough AFFIRMATIONS, POSITIVE THOUGHTS or WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT from others that can match the deep belief that forms when we FACE and grow through these natural life challenges.

The fear of failure is epidemic in today’s society.

Many of us parents get anxious about the possibility of our kids failing, so much so, that we put up barriers in the form of making excuses, nagging and over compensating to insure they WILL NOT EXPERIENCE FAILURE. This pattern robs young people the platform to embrace challenge, work through struggle and construct the framework for TRUE and ABIDING CONFIDENCE.

RESULT:

A COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF INTERNAL RESOURCES AND SKILLS TO MANAGE THE VERY ELEMENTS THAT WILL RESULT IN CONFIDENCE.

This is a challenge to embrace. Joyfully engage in the big and small challenges that life brings your way daily. The challenge of generating the motivation to get a workout in, to courageously put words to your experiences or simply give your best to something all while letting go of the FEAR OF FAILING will result in growing confidence.

When the possibility of disappointment, discouragement and failure exists this is where your greatest opportunity to learn and grow also exists.

Lets stop choosing the path of least resistance and start choosing the paths of GREATEST POSSIBILITIES. This is where the true treasure of deeply embedded confidence is found.

EMBRACE THE CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE TODAY!

Let us know your confidence challenges in the comments below!

You can find more resources at ShaunGoodsell.com





Breaking The Distraction Chains

8 08 2016

Have you ever given thought to the connection between ATTENTIVE CONSISTENCY and SUCCESS?stencil.facebook-ad-link

What I mean by ATTENTIVE CONSISTENCY is the continual capacity to give quality focus and concentration to a pre-determined priority; gaining a deeper and deeper understanding with each days focus. This is very similar to immersing yourself for a period of time in something you have a deep passion for or has significance to you. Examples of ATTENTIVE CONSISTENCY could include a relationship, hobby, business, sport, or even yourself.

But there is a problem.

I believe many of us are missing out on the deep joy and sense of fulfillment that accompanies the capacity to fully engage in and consistently focus on important priorities. We are often lured away from this type of experience because of multiple distractions. I define a distraction as anything that interrupts the flow of our attention.

Ask yourself this question: What is the length of time I can give quality focus and concentration to a pre-determined priority without being internally or externally interrupted?

How do we BREAK THE STRONG CHAINS OF DISTRACTION? How do we train ourselves to experience times of flow where we sustain our focus more often and with greater endurance?

Before I give some thoughts on this topic I want to say that there are many that have attentional challenges. The thoughts I want to put forth place no judgement on those attentional challenges or the means in which they are managing them.

First, I want to say that there are (3) distraction busters that have served me extremely well. None of these are quick fixes but if practiced consistently can strengthen our capacity to focus immensely over time.

1. Meditation: Until recently, I would not have included this because I had no experience with this practice. It seemed a bit “cheesy” to be honest. However, I decided I was going to build an internal library of EXPERIENCE rather than uneducated opinion. I was pleasantly enlightened by the results I found when I took just 10 minutes to quiet myself and my mind. Initially I found it difficult to SLOW DOWN enough to even get through a meditation session without immense distraction. Over time, I have found myself with incredible capacity to stay centered and calm despite a whirlwind of chaos around me. I am sold on the benefits of this practice. HEADSPACE is the app I use and the TAKE 10 challenge is very helpful.

2. Journaling: I have found writing to be incredibly helpful for taking internal confusion and producing crystal clarity. Sound helpful tips: In the morning identify **one word** that defines the way you want to “show up” in the world. Write a paragraph as to why, allowing yourself only 5 minutes to write. This is a great way to start your day. Another tip is to pose a question to yourself at the end of the day, What challenged me today? What did I learn? Again take 5-10 minutes to write. Most people get overwhelmed by the thought of writing pages and pages. This is unnecessary in my opinion.

3. Exercise: The benefits to being active are too numerous to count. Needless to say when we stay active we are able to fuel our minds with what it needs to focus. It is important that you know that I am not necessarily talking about the WORKOUTS of athletes, although they are helpful as well. Going on a 30 minute walk, moving around the house in between tasks is also helpful. JUST DO NOT SIT FOR TOO LONG WITHOUT MOVING.

DISTRACTIONS are blinding! They entice us to pay attention to information that is of little to no long term value. Those of us that are CONSTANTLY CHASING THE LATEST SHORT TERM FAD are often lacking the ability to track the life stories of those closest to them leaving the relationship bankrupt of deep connection.

IF you are looking to be enlightened with the wonder of strengthened focus and concentration make a commitment to one of the three DISTRACTION BUSTERS above.

Post your most common distractions in the comments below and which of the distraction busters you are going to implement today!





Committing to Commitment

29 06 2016
DO YOU FIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY WAITING FOR SOMETHING BETTER TO COME UP?
DO YOU SEEM TO KEEP REPEATING THE SAME CHALLENGES IN YOUR LIFE?
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DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO GIVE OF YOURSELF COMPLETELY TO A PURSUIT OR PERSON?
DO YOU GET FRUSTRATED THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU CAN TRUST?

If these are some of your experiences then this blog might give you a new perspective to create change and movement.

At first sight you may look at the title of today’s writing and have to spend a couple seconds thinking about it. However, I wrote the title purposely. I want to have a look at commitment and challenge you to re-think how you see this rich and vital concept.

I think it is safe to say that we are in the FOMO generation (Fear Of Missing Out). I hear with consistency the phrase, “I do not want to commit to ________; something better might come up that I do not want to miss out on.” I believe the effects of this mindset are destroying the quality of our relationships, work and sport. We have become obsessed, controlled by and addicted to the possibility of spontaneous euphoria.

I believe that we are paying a HUGE price with the FOMO framework. It may not be a surprise to hear that the riches and deeply impactful life experiences that lead to fulfillment, long standing joy, confidence, and self-definition are born from being FULLY INVESTED, IMMERSED and COMMITTED for the long haul.

How do we ever do more than simply troll above the surface of existence if we live for what “might come up?”

I am concerned that we will struggle to build teams, social work cultures and families if we do not start COMMITTING TO COMMITMENT. The psychological safety required to work fully self expressed and together in teams has been identified as a KEY FACTOR in propelling teams to play at high levels; often out performing “A” players living with different group dynamics. When people committing to one another appears to be a thing of the past, it is no wonder why so many are afraid of rejection, hurt, isolation, to name a few. The results are people playing small, scared and without creativity and joy.

If we want to touch the rim of EXCELLENCE, FULFILLMENT, DEEP JOY, MASTERY,

AND UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE I believe we need to COMMIT TO COMMITMENT.

Living life eventually brings us to many cross roads. In sports the competition will eventually show us our lack of mastery, in business we will most definitely hit our lid, in relationships we will for sure hit a point of struggle. No matter what the arena we will be exposed and this is a good thing. It is at this point we can decide about GROWING or LEAVING. Growth requires COMMITMENT and leaving will often result in us returning to the same cross road facing the same decision again. (there are most certainly times when it is the right thing to move on).

I want to respectfully challenge you to put COMMITTING to COMMITMENT as your strategy for growth and life fulfillment. Doing so compels you to fully invest yourself, immerse yourself, and be diligent in your pursuit of those things that you bring your best to AND you also become your best through.

Let’s terminate the FOMO framework and realize that there are pursuits, passions and people that deserve and require us to COMMIT to in order for the good stuff to come forth.

Let me know in the comments below what you are going to commit to today.





Habits of Excellence

22 06 2016

stencil.twitter-postWe would all like to believe that we are in CHARGE of or CONTROL our lives. Fundamentally we do make choices with our behaviors and thoughts day to day. However, the shocking truth is that we are all CREATURES OF HABIT. It is these habits, or repetitive behaviors, that end up determining the quality of our lives.

Over the years I have become more aware of the connection between the quality of my life and my habits. In other words I have been struck by how much I get what I have earned. For example, in relationships I have had a habit of talking more than I am listening. This came to my awareness as I was talking with my son one day. I went into the conversation with a desire to learn about his level of interest in his upcoming college experience and realized as I was driving to my next appointment that I had actually learned nothing. This was not because he was unwilling to share, it was because I didn’t listen. I have work projects that I have authentic excitement about that were spawned 6 months ago. Yet some of these have not yet even gotten off the ground. These are just a few examples of how habits can lie under the surface of awareness but do their destructive work regardless of my intention.

I think it is imperative that we step back and give some thought to our lives with the intention to gain clarity about where we are relinquishing power to automatic and repetitive behaviors that road block our deepest desires and ambitions. We need to ask ourselves, “What habits do I need to re-invent and what skills do I need to upgrade to significantly upgrade the quality of my life?” Doing this allows our focus and awareness to uncover the unconscious automatic actions and attitudes that are most likely silently destroying things we care about.

From this reflection we need to then build HABITS OF EXCELLENCE. These are habits that lead to the elevated capacity to build relationships filled with understanding, love, experiential impact, work production that is heightened, stress that is lowered, health that is enhanced, and an overall life quality that is elevated all because some habits of excellence were implemented, reinforced and strengthened through consistency.

I believe many of us are blindly and unconsciously going through our lives without the awareness that a much better quality of life is simply a few habits of excellence away. Take some time today and do a thorough walk through of your life and identify at least one habit that is having an undesirable impact on your life. Once you have done that invent a new habit that can lead you to experience a better quality of life.

If you find this a challenge, sign up for a free coaching session and let me help you do this in a powerful way!

Like this blog? We love reading and responding to your comments so be sure to comment below!

Here’s to habits of excellence.